I often hear from my divorce clients, “I just want what’s fair.” Who can argue with this? However, when we are in conflict, it’s common to see our own ideas as “fair” and the other’s ideas as “unfair.”
In a quest to determine what is “fair,” prospective clients may visit several lawyers asking what is fair or to what am I entitled? (These terms are often used interchangeably). However, depending upon how many lawyers are asked, the answers will likely be different. If the same individuals ask friends or family about what might be fair, there will be even more differing beliefs about what is fair in the context of their divorce.
The problem with “fairness” is that is subjective – everybody has their unique perspective on what it means to be fair. With such a vast range of views, the question of what may or may not be fair is probably not a productive inquiry. Instead, it may be more useful to explore for yourself what will be important to you to get from your divorce as you look forward to the next chapter of your life. Only you can know your own goals and only you can set your own objectives consistent with those goals. While others can certainly provide you with some useful information and help you “reality check” your choices, only you can set your objectives in life.
Another helpful inquiry may be what is an acceptable outcome for my soon-to-be ex-spouse? If your goal is to reach a divorce settlement then what may be mutually acceptable is a key question – not “what’s fair?”Tagged with: conflict in divorce • Fair outcomes • finances • Money and Finances • settlement