July 3, 2017

The Delicate Art of Compromise

The Delicate Art of Compromise

Compromise. It is the cornerstone of legal settlements. It is the foundation of civility. Yet it is not without its attendant difficulties.pexels-photo-394377

The most common meaning ascribed to compromise is an agreement or settlement of a dispute reached by both sides by making concessions. Implicit in this definition is the caveat that the concessions made are mutual and acceptable to both parties.

A benefit of this is that the dispute is resolved allowing both parties to move beyond the conflict with a restored sense of trust and mutual respect. From a societal point of view, this aspect is essential to maintaining domestic tranquility. When it is not accomplished it can lead communities to become polarized and feel threatened. We need only look at present day complexities in the middle east to see the cumulative results over centuries of unresolved conflict.

On this side of the continuum we witness the dark side of compromise, and the secondary dictionary definitions that exist in our lexicon. When mutual satisfaction is not reached compromise occurs as negative result – accepting standards that are lower than desirable and result in a weakening or harm to the community. When the negative results become the standard the growing upset can lead to war. And that possibility is inherent within the commonly accepted meaning of the word compromise, itself.

This does not mean we should abandon compromise, only that we recognize the dark side, and take proactive steps to avoid negative results.

Divorce is perhaps one of the most challenging arenas in which society has a vested interest to reach settlements that truly resolve the conflicts. In order for this to happen so much depends upon the individual qualities of each party. Those individual qualities reflect countless generations of family attributes, from different families with usually radically different histories. When trying to predict the possibility of successful compromise in divorce the individual parties are the most significant predictor of how well things may turn out.

A close second is the qualities of the professionals that the parties hire to represent them in this difficult process. This is where the professional practice area of collaborative family law out performs the traditional practice of law, and probably mediation as well. Collaborative Family Law has incorporated healing into their model. Collaborative Family Law is a healing profession.

From its inception in 1990 it has attracted the best and brightest professionals in the fields of law, finance and mental health disciplines. The protocols created continue to evolve to place the children at the center of the process but never in the middle. The protocols support the couple in gathering, valuing and explaining all relevant financial documents and information. These standards provide actual professional assessment of the children’s needs, strengths and vulnerabilities, and then focuses upon supporting each parent to be the best parent possible for their children. At every step throughout the process the parties are called to operate from their highest functioning selves in co-creating a resolution that best meets each parties and prepares them for life after their divorce. The process supports finding the best solutions for each party.

To find out more about how this dynamic technology can best work for you, contact any collaborative professional.

Bruce Peck

Bruce is one of the founding members of the Collaborative Law Institute.
Back in the Wonder Years, this small group was trying to figure out what a new way of practicing family law might look like. Today the collaborative law concept has exploded, not just throughout the United States, but also internationally. For over thirty years Bruce has continued to hone his skills to provide the highest quality of services to family law clients. He helps good people make tough choices during difficult times.

Bruce is a laid back and easy going person who listens well to others. He is a shameless optimist who can always see possibility and opportunity. Being very curious by nature, he is a voracious reader. His love for words has drawn him into being an avid poet.

Bruce’s skills supports clients interests without alienating their spouse. When the parties reach agreement, it is not under duress. They have the time to discuss all decisions with their attorneys before signing the agreement. Once completed, the stipulated divorce is filed with the court for a default hearing in which neither party, nor their attorneys, ever have to set foot inside a courthouse. Learn more at www.BrucePeckLawOffice.com

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June 26, 2017

Friending Yourself

Throughout your life, and particularly through your separation or divorce, there may have been times when, even if you have an amazing support system, you realized that there is truly only one person that you can count on 24 hours Continue reading…

June 19, 2017

Considerations on the Cost of Divorce Part I

So, You Are Getting Divorced: Considerations on the Cost of Legal and Professional Services Part I In this two part series, I will address the Challenges in accurately estimating legal and professional fees in Part I, and will offer thoughts Continue reading…

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June 12, 2017

How to Avoid the Divortex – Part 2

In Part 1, vortex was defined as: 1) a whirling mass of water or air that sucks everything near it towards its center; 2) a place or situation regarded as drawing into its center all that it surrounds, and hence, Continue reading…

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June 5, 2017

Gray Divorce: After 50

There was a recent article in the Los Angeles Times addressing the growing rate of divorce in later years of marriage.  The article summarizes statistics showing this is a large segment of the divorcing population.  And it continues to increase. Continue reading…

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May 29, 2017

Teaching Your Kids About Money – Teenagers

Sometimes your teenage children think they know everything. Do they know that if they saved the $6 they spend each day on a super antioxidant smoothie (or caramel macchiato), in 8 years they could buy a 4-door sedan in soul Continue reading…

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May 22, 2017

So, You Are Getting Divorced: Part II

Categories: Divorce

Considerations on the Cost of Legal and Professional Services In this article I address positive things you can do to minimize your costs and expenses, and maximize quality of services. The Good News There are many things that can be Continue reading…

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May 15, 2017

Family Specialist: Co-Parenting after Divorce

Categories: Divorce

I once heard that parenting books are one of the largest segments in non-fiction publishing.  Everyone apparently thinks they have tips and ideas to help others parent.  As a collaborative divorce attorney, clients often seek guidance and support in co-parenting Continue reading…

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May 8, 2017

Stick and Stones May Break My Bones, But Names Will Never Hurt Me

Remember hearing that as a child?  I do.  I said it.  I believed it.  And then I didn’t.  Names DO hurt, even if they aren’t “really bad, mean names.”  They can burn a memory into your brain that can haunt Continue reading…

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May 1, 2017

When Families are Unsupportive Part 2

Categories: Divorce

This is the second of our two part blog series on unsupportive families during divorce. The first dealt with the challenges of when family is having a difficult time letting an ex go, which can be read here. Here we Continue reading…

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