September 15, 2016

A Divorce Closing Ceremony

Categories: Divorce

seedSome Things Are Especially Worth Doing

Among the things that park themselves in that huge receptacle called What I Don’t Know That I Don’t Know are things that would be hugely beneficial were we only aware of them. My purpose today is to shine some light on one of these hidden treasures.

We live in a world that has created a ritual practice that has grown over time to be a cash cow for people clamoring to provide those services. That ritual practice is marriage. It is an industry that capitalizes upon peoples dreams – memorializing their wedding day. Many young people begin thinking about this event, and planning for it long before they even meet a person in their life to marry. Where will it be held? Who will we invite? What will the ceremony include? How will the event be captured in pictures and film? What will we serve our guests? Where will we go on our honeymoon?

This is an important day, and it deserves to be thought through carefully. Sometimes, however, it occupies more attention than considering the impact of choosing the person with whom you wish to share the rest of your life. Most of the time it occupies more consideration than putting together a prenuptial agreement, but that is a article for another day.

What I am pointing toward today is something that is most often neglected because there are so few ways in which it comes into awareness. It requires being mindful of setting things right when the marriage has ended in order to go on with life. Knowing about it, you can now choose to put it into existence.

More and more avant-garde young people recognize that the end of a marriage is not the end of life. In fact it can bring essential wisdom that can benefit a lifetime, and greatly improve the opportunity to grow from and enhance the unwanted end to what was expected to be a crowning achievement.

A Divorce Closure Ceremony can plant seeds for letting go and refocusing a life, create closure and healing for both partners, and end the marriage in a better place than you were when it began.

For many this thinking is counter intuitive. Society usually tells us we should be upset and angry, and that our former love is now our enemy. Innovative thinking can turn the tragedy into a strength. It requires the ability to think outside the boxing ring.

It needs two people who have enough maturity and compassion to realize they both share complicity for the marriage not working out. Where children are involved, the realization that they will necessarily be invested in each other’s lives for the lifetimes of their children. There is no greater gift that parents going through divorce can give their children than to provide them with two strong, healthy, committed parents committed to providing for their needs in the best way possible.

Divorce is a transition, and it can be a transformation. Creating a ritual may be every bit as important as the marriage itself, allowing both to move through the challenging storm. A formal recognition of parting and a releasing each other from the marriage vows both honors the marriage and addresses the commitments that were made before all friends and family who were called to witness the event. It creates an ethical path to clear the way to move forward into a new life.

Essential factors in this process are apology for the ways in which each missed the mark, and forgiveness of the other for the ways in which they missed the mark. A formal release for each from the wedding vows that were made. A mutual blessing. It clears the way for each to take on a new role of being a genuine friend for the other.

When we find ourselves graduating from the school of hard knocks, it only makes sense that we pick up the diploma.

To find out more about how this can be accomplished, contact any collaborative professional.

Bruce Peck

Bruce is one of the founding members of the Collaborative Law Institute.
Back in the Wonder Years, this small group was trying to figure out what a new way of practicing family law might look like. Today the collaborative law concept has exploded, not just throughout the United States, but also internationally. For over thirty years Bruce has continued to hone his skills to provide the highest quality of services to family law clients. He helps good people make tough choices during difficult times.

Bruce is a laid back and easy going person who listens well to others. He is a shameless optimist who can always see possibility and opportunity. Being very curious by nature, he is a voracious reader. His love for words has drawn him into being an avid poet.

Bruce’s skills supports clients interests without alienating their spouse. When the parties reach agreement, it is not under duress. They have the time to discuss all decisions with their attorneys before signing the agreement. Once completed, the stipulated divorce is filed with the court for a default hearing in which neither party, nor their attorneys, ever have to set foot inside a courthouse. Learn more at

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