Remember hearing that as a child? I do. I said it. I believed it. And then I didn’t. Names DO hurt, even if they aren’t “really bad, mean names.” They can burn a memory into your brain that can haunt you. My son, who is six, is one of the younger children in his 1st grade class. Next to his 2nd grade soccer buddies, he’s a bit vertically challenged, although he’s considered “average” in height. Nonetheless, when he came home in tears the other day because an older child called him “shorty,” he undoubtedly felt the sting of name-calling. Welcome to the real world, my sweet, darling son! We have all experienced it, to some extent, and it stinks.
Rather than utter that renowned phrase to my son, my collaboratively-trained lawyer brain went into “better-get-more-information” mode. The conversation went like this:
Me: How did that make you feel when he said that?
Me: Mmmmm….I can see that…
Son: And angry…
Me: Definitely! (Pause). So, what happened next?
Son: (without missing a beat) I grabbed the ball out of his hands, dribbled it down the court, and made a basket.
Me: (Stunned!) Wow! That is AMAZING! (Beaming with pride…that’s my boy!)
So, my son “shows up” this kid by making a basket, yet he was still upset (hours?) later and recalls the name-calling rather than his awesome basket?! This certainly illustrates words have a HUGE impact on others, whether we realize it or not. It doesn’t have to be name-calling, either. It can be just the language we use and the way we say it. The tone in our voice can turn an otherwise innocuous comment into a heated argument. So…STOP. Take a DEEP breath (and maybe throw a stick at some THING). THINK before you speak, and CHOOSE your words carefully. Then go shoot some hoops.Tagged with: children in divorce • children's emotional adjustment to divorce • Co-Parenting • Collaborative Divorce • communication • conflict in divorce • conflict resolution • divorce with dignity • gentle divorce • Good divorce • healthy divorce • nice divorce • peaceful divorce