November 11, 2013

Mastering Fear of an Unknown Future During Divorce

the futureMy Pilates instructor, Maria Franklin, is a truly gifted holistic healer, committed to creating physical, emotional and spiritual strength and balance. During each class, Maria imparts nuggets of wisdom as we flex and twist.  Maria reminds us that “practice makes permanent” and that we are capable of stretching ourselves much further than we thought possible as long as we believe we can.  Stretching further and further is temporarily painful, but the strength and balance gained will last forever as long as we keep mindful, keep practicing and keep breathing.

Maria recently shared this nugget as we learned a challenging new exercise:  “If you let go and relax, you can do it. If you clench, it won’t work.” She saw us instinctively tightening up in self-protection, as we were uncertain we were strong enough to safely do the exercise. She wanted us to trust ourselves more and release our muscles in spite of our fear of falling. She was right. Relaxing and releasing worked. We did not feel out of control, but became calmer and more confident of our abilities.

As a neutral child specialist in Collaborative Team Practice, I know that members of families with whom I work are constantly being thrust into stressful new situations that will require them to painfully stretch in ways they might not have thought possible.

It is the nature of divorce to be filled with uncertainty, and involuntary clenching of emotional muscles is a natural response to fear and anxiety. This can make a painful situation excruciating, and may hinder efforts at mastery of what lies ahead. In Collaborative Team Practice, you will find a team of professionals who are committed to helping families in crisis create stability, strength and balance while letting go of fear of the unknown future. We help people get unmarried in an environment of safety and respect.

I have written before on the necessity of letting go to move on. Experience keeps sending me reminders of the importance of practicing and ultimately mastering what fear tells us is not possible. Get the support you need and deserve from a Collaborative team, focus on healthy resolutions for you and your children, keep breathing and believe in yourself. You can do it.

Deborah ClemmensenABOUT THE AUTHOR
Deborah Clemmensen
Licensed Psychologist

Deborah Clemmensen, M.Eq., Licensed Psychologist was a child and family clinician for many years before her discovery of Collaborative Team Practice in 2000 motivated the transformation of her professional role from therapist to Neutral Child Specialist. This work---hearing the voices of every family member during a divorce or break up, keeping children at the center and out of the middle, and assisting parents in the creation of developmentally responsive parenting plans---is both a passion and a privilege. Find out more about Deborah's work at www.deborahclemmensen.com

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