July 25, 2013

Divorce is an Opportunity

The divorce process can be so difficult it is hard to imagine anything positive coming from it. However, in Collaborative Team Practice your family is surrounded by professionals who understand the complications of relationships, the emotional distress of divorce and how to navigate this process with open communication, balance and respect. When a family takes advantage of the professionals’ knowledge, skills and guidance the divorce process turns into an opportunity to communicate and work together in new ways.

Families generally come to divorce because they have been immersed in negative patterns that are not working. Spouses or partners don’t feel heard, respected, valued, appreciated, free to be themselves and/or balanced. One or both in the relationship have worked hard to try to turn it around, to do better, to make it work, but the established patterns are formidable.

In the actual divorce process itself, there are brand new options.

You have made the difficult decision to separate or dissolve the marriage so the pressure is off to “fix the relationship.” Now the focus is on accepting the end of the partnership or marriage and re-establishing and strengthening your separate selves. Your new job is to form a co-parenting relationship. This is very different from the partner or spousal relationship. We seek to have our own needs met within a spousal relationship which is the part of the relationship that is most likely to become broken. In a co-parenting relationship you are not expecting to have your own needs met, instead the goal is to meet the needs of your children.

Doing what is best for your children is something that both of you want.

The Collaborative Professionals guide you through the divorce process of deciding how to divide assets and debts and establish separate living arrangements and most importantly to develop a parenting plan. This is an opportunity, with assistance, to talk to each other differently and to rediscover and build upon the strengths you each have to work together for your children.

Pat RogersABOUT THE AUTHOR
Pat Rogers
Clinical Director, FamilyMeans

Pat Rogers, LICSW, is a Neutral Coach and a Neutral Child Specialist in Collaborative Divorce who assists couples and their children through the difficult and often painful process of separation or divorce. Pat is a mental health professional who has worked with families for over 30 years and is trained in psychotherapy, child development, family systems, and mediation. She understands the struggles of transitioning to a two home family and of facing new beginnings. She is the clinical director at FamilyMeans; learn more at www.familymeans.org

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