July 31, 2017

Holiday Traditions and Parenting Time

With the holidays upon us, most of us are getting ready for gatherings with family and thanksgiving-1801986_1920friends and figuring out who is hosting which holiday.  Many families have traditions that may go back generations.  As parents, we may choose to keep those traditions or create new ones.  One of my family traditions was my grandmother’s cranberry marshmallow salad.  I have her recipe, helped her make it when I was a little girl, but I just can’t recreate it on my own.  No matter how much sugar I add, it’s too tart; sadly, I might just need to let this tradition go.  (Unlike the shredded carrot and jello salad many of us grew up with, this cranberry salad really was fabulous!)  I discovered and revised a cranberry sauce that my kids actually eat, so that has become part of our Thanksgiving tradition.  While she is no longer with us and I miss her terribly, I suspect my grandmother would be just fine with my new creation.

Whether your traditions are about food, going to Grandma’s every Thanksgiving or stopping by for dessert at Uncle Jim’s Christmas Day, traditions are part of who we are. For families experiencing separation and divorce, it’s important to try to maintain those traditions.  A new normal, along with new traditions, will eventually emerge, but if your kids love going to your in-laws because Uncle John makes the best peach pie ever and Santa makes a special appearance for the little ones – thanks to Uncle Al – please maintain those traditions for your kids.  While you might not want to spend the holidays with your (former) spouse and his or her family, based on what clients have told me, consider the following: 1) share the holidays, rather than trying to keep them all to yourself, so your kids can enjoy those special traditions (who doesn’t love spending time with all the aunts, uncles, and cousins?  On both sides of the family?) and 2) consider spending the holidays with your former spouse at some point in the future.  Sounds crazy, right?  No…your kids would love it!  While it is probably the furthest thing from your mind right now and might not happen for some time, parents who are able to step up for the benefit of their kids are glad they were able to come together as co-parents and enjoy their children together.  And if you have had a good relationship with your in-laws in the past, chances are, you will have a pleasant time, too.  ‘Tis the season for giving…and you will definitely be giving your kids a wonderful gift.

Audra HolbeckABOUT THE AUTHOR
Audra Holbeck
Attorney, Holbeck Law Office

Audra’s office is in Woodbury, Minnesota and she limits her practice to Collaborative Family Law and Mediation. She received her degree in psychology from the University of Minnesota-Duluth and her law degree from William Mitchell College of Law. She has been actively involved in the Collaborative Law Institute since 2004 and is passionate about helping her clients create realistic and workable settlement options. She believes family disputes can (and should) be resolved outside the courtroom, in an environment that allows the family to reorganize, engage in healthy and effective communication, and move forward. Learn more at www.HolbeckLaw.com

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July 24, 2017

Guiding Your Children Through the Holidays, Post-Divorce

Navigating the holidays post-divorce is a difficult enough task for adults, but it also brings out stress and anxiety in children, whether small or big (adult). We tackled holiday survival post-divorce topics like “finding your new normal” and “creating emotional Continue reading…

July 17, 2017

Teamwork in the Midst of Substance Abuse

About 3 and a-half years ago, a family in the Collaborative Divorce  process was working with the Neutral Child Specialist .   It was stated by my client that dad’s alcohol use was the primary basis for her seeking the divorce. She Continue reading…

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July 10, 2017

How to Avoid the Divortex – Part 3

In parts 1 and 2, we defined vortex as: 1) a whirling mass of water or air that sucks everything near it towards its center; 2) a place or situation regarded as drawing into its center all that it surrounds, Continue reading…

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July 3, 2017

The Delicate Art of Compromise

The Delicate Art of Compromise Compromise. It is the cornerstone of legal settlements. It is the foundation of civility. Yet it is not without its attendant difficulties. The most common meaning ascribed to compromise is an agreement or settlement of Continue reading…

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June 26, 2017

Friending Yourself

Throughout your life, and particularly through your separation or divorce, there may have been times when, even if you have an amazing support system, you realized that there is truly only one person that you can count on 24 hours Continue reading…

June 19, 2017

Considerations on the Cost of Divorce Part I

So, You Are Getting Divorced: Considerations on the Cost of Legal and Professional Services Part I In this two part series, I will address the Challenges in accurately estimating legal and professional fees in Part I, and will offer thoughts Continue reading…

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June 12, 2017

How to Avoid the Divortex – Part 2

In Part 1, vortex was defined as: 1) a whirling mass of water or air that sucks everything near it towards its center; 2) a place or situation regarded as drawing into its center all that it surrounds, and hence, Continue reading…

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June 5, 2017

Gray Divorce: After 50

There was a recent article in the Los Angeles Times addressing the growing rate of divorce in later years of marriage.  The article summarizes statistics showing this is a large segment of the divorcing population.  And it continues to increase. Continue reading…

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May 29, 2017

Teaching Your Kids About Money – Teenagers

Sometimes your teenage children think they know everything. Do they know that if they saved the $6 they spend each day on a super antioxidant smoothie (or caramel macchiato), in 8 years they could buy a 4-door sedan in soul Continue reading…

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