April 24, 2017

When Families are Unsupportive Part 1

Categories: Divorce

Families can be particular unsupportive in one of two ways – the first when they truly care for your spouse and are having a difficult time letting them go as part of their family, and second they may not be supportive to your grief if the ex-spouse was never well liked anyhow or if the marriage was difficult in terms of fighting or abuse. We will showcase these two extremes in a two part blog series.grandparents-1956838_1920

We’ve all heard the family jokes about taking so-and-so instead of their own son/daughter/sister/brother/etc. if they ever were to divorce, but what happens when that becomes a reality? Nearly 50% of marriages today don’t last, so the odds are good when saying those I do’s and harvesting the relationships that comes with them, that at some point down the road you will be saying goodbye to half of that marriage. Maybe you grew up in a family where divorce was taboo, with parents who believe that for better or for worse you don’t leave a marriage, and now you are struggling with family supporting your decision and suddenly you are the outcast.

Perhaps your dad is losing his best fishing buddy and is finding it difficult to understand why your marriage didn’t work out. Sit down with him and explain that while your ex may be a great person, that doesn’t make you great people together. Set boundaries. Be clear with both your ex, as well as your family, what your relationship expectations are. Maybe you and your family are comfortable with the modern blended family concept, or perhaps if you do not have children with your ex, it may be best to sever all ties to family sooner rather than later. Think – bringing your new boyfriend to your family Thanksgiving with your ex sitting at the same table, elbows deep in mash potatoes. If you have children together, the lines blur and it’s not as black and white as that. Other factors like living in a small town, and the length of the relationship, can make things more complicated, so it’s important to not only communicate your expectations, but for them to be realistic as well. Did you marry your brother’s childhood best friend? – then it’s probably not realistic to expect them to stop talking, in fact if that is your expectation it will likely harm your relationship with your brother.

At the end of the day you need to do what is best for YOU. Yes, a marriage affects more than just the two people in it, but you need to put your best interests first, not those of how your family will handle your divorce. Also, remember to, “Love your whole story, even if it hasn’t been the perfect fairy tale.”-Melanie Moushigian Koulours.

Daisy Camp

Daisy Camp is a one-of-a-kind camp that offers women facing divorce a reliable, safe and supportive environment with the best professional/educational resources to making the important decisions about your divorce. We believe providing women with helpful tools and education about divorce, they can make the best decisions and achieve a healthy quality of life before, during and after divorce. Learn more at www.DaisyCamp.org

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April 17, 2017

The High Road to Recovery

Categories: Divorce

My principle livelihood has been as a divorce lawyer. Many people consider this to be a dirty job, either because the people we work with have dirty lives, or because the way attorneys who work with them are themselves dirty. Continue reading…

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October 4, 2016

Leaving Litigation Behind

A collaborative law colleague recently wrote a lovely piece in the Boston Globe describing his reasons for leaving his litigation practice behind and representing clients only in alternative dispute resolution processes. His article resonated greatly with me. I too left Continue reading…

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October 3, 2016

Teaching Your Kids About Money – The Early Years

What are you teaching your children that will best prepare them for a successful adulthood? To be polite and say thank you? To believe in themselves? How about that if they save 15% of every check they ever earn, they Continue reading…

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September 30, 2016

We Are More Alike, Than We Are Unalike – Maya Angelou

My family is going through Olympic withdrawal.  Well, O.K., not really.  But we watched the events we were interested in and rooted for Team U.S.A.  Of course, Michael Phelps stole the show, and Ryan Lochte stole the…well, let’s not go Continue reading…

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September 29, 2016

A Few Thoughts On Death and Divorce

Categories: Divorce

I have been fortunate enough to make it into my later in life years before experiencing the death of family and friends close to me. My parents were the first losses from my immediate family, followed by an older sister. Continue reading…

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September 26, 2016

Estate Plan Must Haves! – Lessons Learned Post-Prince

A will is the cornerstone of your estate plan. It allows for an organized distribution of your assets after you pass. Not only does it make sure that your assets end up with your chosen loved ones, it also reduces Continue reading…

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September 21, 2016

Divorce Trends over the Year

Categories: Divorce

Like many things in life, people tend to divorce at certain times of the year.  My professional experience corresponds with a recent study out of University of Washington.  The study looked at the time of year that divorces are most often Continue reading…

September 20, 2016

Cooking for One

You may find cooking a daunting enough task as it is, but cooking for just one can be downright grueling, and can often lead to unhealthy eating. If you find yourself undereating, forgetting to eat, going through the drive thru, Continue reading…

September 15, 2016

A Divorce Closing Ceremony

Categories: Divorce

Some Things Are Especially Worth Doing Among the things that park themselves in that huge receptacle called What I Don’t Know That I Don’t Know are things that would be hugely beneficial were we only aware of them. My purpose Continue reading…

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